Do you ever just get SO frustrated that things come to a head, and then everything explodes and you’re left sitting there going, “What the hell am I doing?”

Welcome to my life.

I’ve been busier and busier lately. More and more papers, assignments, readings. And I’m working 20 hours a week. As I try to plan my days in “how many minutes will I have to work on my homework before dinner gets done?”, something had to give. And on Friday, it did. I got mildly called out at work for not paying attention to detail, and when she did, I started crying. I couldn’t stop. It had very little to do with work, actually. I just realized how incredibly stressed out I was. Then everything else just came to the surface… losing my mom, losing my job, my dad having a girlfriend, etc. I just couldn’t handle it. One Colleen, too many issues.

So after I broke down in front of the poor lady at work (let’s be thankful I work in a social work office, and they understand pressure), I felt horrible. There’s just no way to work twenty hours and go to class fifteen hours. In the College of Social Work literature it states the 15 hour plan, and says, “For students that will not be working”. I didn’t take that seriously enough.

What am I going to do? Drop some hours at work, I think. Probably on Wednesdays. Not take as many hours next semester [which wasn’t too much of an issue, since I decided to take my practicum in the summer, since I knew going into it that there was no way I could take classes, do a practicum (similar to an unpaid internship, 20 hours a week), and work.] I will not graduate in exactly two years, and I’m ok with that. Well, I’m trying to be ok with that. Maybe I can take some more summer classes, and stuff like that.

What have I learned from this? Do not underestimate the stress of grad school. Part of me thought, “Well, this is just UK, and it’s social work, how hard could it be?” It’s not that hard, in reality. I really enjoy my classes, the readings, and the homework. But it’s a LOT of work. It’s not like my undergrad days where I could get away with not reading half the assigned readings or books. I have to discuss and crap like that. And I’m doing pretty well at that, which is a big hurdle for me.

I apologize to anyone that feels I'm neglecting them. I'm not. I'm just overbooked and overstressed.

So once again, another school-centered post, but in the larger scheme. Colleen has hit the boiling point, and someone needs to turn down the burner.

And with that horrid metaphor, I end this vent.

Gah, I know, it’s been awhile since I blogged.

I’ve been SO FREAKING BUSY. I’ve been reading my butt off. You know, I realize this is grad school, and more work is to be expected. But I swear, I don’t remember reading 1/10th this much in undergrad. Ok, so I was probably supposed to read more in undergrad, and I just didn’t. I’m making a solid effort to continue to read now, though. Tonight I read about discrimination, poverty, and Marxism (and other conflict theory.) I thought the Marxism stuff was a lot more interesting than I thought it would be. Not that I’m a Marxist by any means. I agree with some of his analyses, but not his solutions.

Outside of that, I’ve been doing very little. I’ve cut way back on TV (yes, she does have a brain!) Princess went to the vet the other day. I had to quite literally drag her inside the office. She has to have a tooth pulled sooner or later. It’s cracked. That’ll probably get done over Christmas break. They’ll put her under, and clean and scale her teeth as well, which needs done. I went to the dentist yesterday to get a tooth prepped for a crown (that’ll be 3 out of 16 bottom teeth that are crowned.) I went back to the UK Dental Clinic, and I was in the chair from 9 am until 1 pm. My new student dentist is cute. If anyone’s interested, I’ll ask him if he’s single. Hehe.

I’ve been making friends (acquaintances?) in my classes. Most of the people are rather cool. I bonded with one of the few guys over going to live shows (he saw TMBG with Hootie and the Blowfish. He said that that wasn’t the best experience. He also likes Camper Van Beethoven. I think he should marry Nathan. Except for I think the guy is already married. Whatever.)

I finally got a real desk at work. We moved offices down the hall to have more room, and I share it with the two other research assistants. I like having my own space (and my own computer.) Since I do the most research, finding articles and the like, I’ve gotten the one computer that has internet. Hopefully, that’ll be fixed in the future, so everyone has access. I still really like work. I’ve learned a lot about looking up articles, which will serve me well.

I’ve figured out that there’s no way in hell I can do my practicum next semester. It’s 20 hours a week. I have to work, so I guess I’ll do it in the summer (which will cost me $1200 for four credit hours. Eep.) There’s one placement with a forensic social worker with the Fayette County Police Dept, which sounds like it might be neat.

Banjo the dog was at work today, and we bonded. He rolled over and gave me his tummy to rub. He rocks.

I need to do some stuff around the house, like buy a bookshelf for the living room and ehh… there was something else, but I’ve forgotten.

I’m sorry, without having an active social life, I’ve taken to writing all about work and school. I guess just get used to it, for the next two years or so. Hehe.

And now I will go to bed. Goodnight!

I’ve now officially had all of my classes.

I am tired.

Tonight was the last class, Research. I like the professor a lot, and since it’s an area I’m thinking of going into, I think I’ll find it interesting. A lot of people hate the idea of a research class, but I am not one of them.

This morning Jay missed his bus, so I got up at 7:30 to take him to school/work. I went to work at 9, came home for an hour at 4, and then went to class from 5:30-8:30. Needless to say, I need sleep.

On a sad note, today is the one year anniversary of my mom’s death. It’s a year later, but it’s still just not real to me, sometimes. I want to call her up and talk to her about all the stuff going on in my life. Unfortunately, that would incur some serious long-distance charges. I still miss her every day. I’m not sure that will ever change.

With that, I’ll go get ready for bed. Goodnight.